


A Love to Last A Lifetime

by Gauky1976



Series: Love of My Life [5]
Category: Def Leppard, Queen (Band)
Genre: Depressed Brian May, M/M, Sad Brian May
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 14:02:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29885667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gauky1976/pseuds/Gauky1976
Summary: A stand-alone fic in the "Love of My Life" Series. Follows on from "How Do I Live...Without You."Roger watches from above as those left behind deal with his loss and what it means for the future.
Relationships: Brian May/Roger Taylor, Joe Elliott (Def Leppard)/Brian May
Series: Love of My Life [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1383409
Kudos: 5





	1. Chapter 1

I take my last breath and fall into your arms. I hear you scream as my eyes close. “No Roger!! God no!!” I hear the depths of the anguish in your voice as the others rush around us.  


I hear Gracie scream as Adam holds her as you cradle my broken body in your arms, sobbing and softly kissing my face, begging me to stay with you and Gracie. But I have left you and am watching from afar.

My body is lifted from your arms and I can feel you fighting to hold me. Pete grabs you before you hit the ground. He’s a good man and I’m glad he’s there to help you.  


My arms ache to hold you like I had done so many times before and for so many years. My hands ache to hold your face and wipe away your tears, but I can’t. I am beyond the stars you love so much. They are so beautiful.

I see you identify my body and feel your knees buckle as they can no longer support your weight and you sag to the ground. I see our beautiful daughter break free of her brother’s grasp and barrel into your arms. My heart breaks as I hear you both scream for me. I long to reach out and hold you both close as I had done so many times before.  


I follow you out of the room and stop as the family gathers around you. Joe is there, watching and waiting for you to reach out for him. But you don’t. You turn your back on those who love you, rather than allowing them to help you. 

I see you stiffen and shudder as Joe reaches a hand for you. His hand drops and he swallows hard. That man loves you as much as I did, and his heart is breaking for you. He knows it’s far too soon for you to even think about that, so he stands silently, eyes filled with love and concern for you and waits.

Later that night, I watch over you as you sleep. You’re tossing and turning, in the throes of a deep nightmare. My heart shatters as you brokenly call my name. Oh, how I wish I could pull you into my arms and hold you as I had done so many times before.

Joe rushes in and pulls you into his arms, stroking your hair and whispering to you as he softly wipes the tears that are sheeting down your sweet face. You finally calm down enough to sleep and yet Joe doesn’t move. He looks up and my breath catches as he looks straight at me…so I thought. I look closely at him and he looks just as devastated as you. Your pain and heartbreak mirror his own, but he will hold that close and help you through everything.

I realize now that Joe is head over heels in love with you and the thought of that fills my heart with joy. I know that he will never replace me in your heart and even if he did, that would be okay as you so truly deserve to love and be loved.


	2. Chapter 2

Today is the day I know you’d all been dreading---my funeral. I watched as you worked yourself into such a state over the details and your unnerving need to ensure everything was perfect. It was. Every detail showed your love and devotion to me. The chapel is filled with so many flowers that I have no idea how you didn’t end up with hay fever or a migraine from their scent.

I was so proud of you all for the service. Adam singing “Who Wants To Live Forever” was divine as always and Gracie reading her poem broke my heart. But you my Space Man, you made me so damn proud. “Love of My Life” never sounded so good, not even all those years you sang it with Freddie. I could see you were barely holding it together, but as usual, you finished strongly, and I could feel the love from here.

It’s raining now as you, Gracie and our family and friends stand at my graveside. I bet you’re thinking that the weather is the perfect, sombre match for how you are all feeling. A red rose is clutched in your fist, its thorns digging into your skin, drawing blood.

Everyone says their goodbyes and leaves you standing there, Joe hovering nearby, not wanting to intrude on your grief. You stand there silently. Unseeing. Unhearing. Consumed by your pain. Gracie holds your hand, sobbing but stays at your side.

I have no idea how long you both stand there. Maybe it was hours or a few minutes. I have no idea how time works anymore. I see you start to fold in on yourself, closing down to anything and everything around you as you try to hold the pain deep within your soul. You stare at my headstone, trying to make sense of everything, but fail in the attempt.

You look up and see Joe is standing beside Gracie. “You’re still here?” I hear you ask him. “Of course,” he answers. 

“Why?” You ask, looking at him disbelievingly. 

He looks at you, and says simply, taking your hand in his, “Because I love you.”


	3. Chapter 3

My wake was a more somber affair than I imagined it would be. No naked dancing girls or anything of the sort. I see you excuse yourself and walk out to the garden where we has spent so many hours, sitting, talking, and yes, even making love. You sit under the cherry blossom tree we planted after we got married, a silent remembrance of the first time we admitted to each other our love and made a commitment to spend the rest of our lives together.

Everything is the same…the sun is trying to break through the clouds, the birds are singing, and the wind rustles the leaves hanging above your head. Everything is the same but you. You seemed to have aged overnight. Your sweet hazel eyes have darkened and there is a sadness in them that breaks my heart. You seem haunted by memories of times past and an anguish for what the future now holds.

He hovers in the doorway, desperate to help you but knowing he should wait until you’re ready. He watches you stare at the cherry blossoms, knowing your shattered mind will be filled with memories of times long gone.

Someone taps him on the shoulder, and he nods sadly, eyes never moving from you. He turns his head and walks inside to farewell the guests who have started to leave. But still you sit there, unseeing, unfeeling, and oblivious to your surroundings.

When the house is finally empty and the family has gone to bed, he walks out and sits beside you, careful not to spook you. Without saying a word, his presence allows the dam to finally break and your body shakes with the grief my passing has built up. 

You turn to him and lunge forward, grabbing him as you scream for the world to hear. He grabs you, holding you as the pain of your greatest loss shatters the cool night air. He holds you close, whispering words of comfort to you as you struggle against him, that you simply cannot hear or comprehend. You cling to him, drawing some small comfort from the sound of his heartbeat beating strongly under your head.

Later that night, it is him I watch over. He lays on the sofa, giving you your space. I watch him as he sleeps, exhausted lines etched deeply onto his face but still so handsome. Such strength of mind and will lay beneath his closed eyes. He is what I now can no longer be, your soulmate—the part that will make you whole again. 

But I know you will not allow yourself to feel that. You’d tell me it’s far too soon and that you are betraying me and what we had. For someone who is so damn smart, you can be such a fucking idiot. You are not betraying me as I am no longer there. Life is far too short to be alone my love and you, more than anyone I can think of, deserve to be loved and love. As you are surely finding out, none of us have forever and it’s now up to me to show you what is right in front of you. 

Why am I not surprised to find you cradling the Red Special in the music room? I know I always took second place to her and nothing made me happier. I brush your cheek and watch as you shiver against what you think is just a cool breeze. Love gives me a way to appear to you now as you weren’t ready before and I’m now standing in front of you.

You look up and see me, breath catching in your throat as you look me up and down and reach a hand to me. I shake my head and walk out, hoping and praying you’ll follow me. You do and find me standing at Gracie’s bedroom door with my hand on the doorknob. I push open the door and walk to our beloved daughter’s bed, standing close so she knows I’m near.

With one look, I know you finally comprehend what I am saying. No words pass either set of lips, but I know you know and maybe you now understand why things had to be this way. A soft smile appears on your face as you gaze at our beloved unicorn, a child that is so much more than just a daughter for either of us. She is and will always be a sign of our love and a connection created over 50 years and one that will never be broken.

Your mouth twitches as the words “I love you” pass across your lips. I smile and mouth “and I you my Space Man” as I fade away, but I stay close by, watching you as you pull the blankets up to Gracie’s chin and kiss her forehead. She murmurs softly in her sleep as she moves closer to you and settles back to sleep. You reach down and pick up her well-loved unicorn and place it in her arms before walking out. 

I watch as you walk past Joe, still sound asleep on the sofa before doubling back and sitting beside him. He feels someone nearby and his eyes flutter open. “Hi,” he says sleepily as his eyes focus on you. You smile and ask him to come to bed as the sofa will kill his back in the morning. He nods and stands, following you to the bedroom, a soft smile on both your faces as the door softly closes behind you.


	4. Chapter 4

I hear someone calling my name as I leave you and smile as I see Freddie and Jim standing before me, both as young and handsome as they always were. Freddie takes my hand and smiles, teeth showing, as Jim wraps his arms around me in a warm embrace. “Time to go Blondie” Freddie smiles as he looks down and sees you. 

“No so blonde anymore Freddie,” I grumble as I run my hands through the snow-white hair that I know you so loved. Jim chuckles, “Maybe not anymore Roger, but that’s how we’ll always remember you.”

I look at Freddie, concern lacing my expression, “Bri will be okay, won’t he?”

Freddie nods. “I have a feeling our sweet Maggie will be okay. He’ll always love and miss you, but Joe is a good fit for him and the family.”

I chew my lip sadly as I look down at you. “I don’t wanna go Fred….”

“I know.” He says softly, “but it’s time. We have much to look forward to regarding our dear Brimi,” he assures me. Hearing his words, and the loving way he referred to Brian using his long-held nickname, I begrudgingly admit that he’s probably right and that there’s no point worrying as there’s nothing I can do anyway.

As I move toward the light, sandwiched between Jim and Freddie, I glance back at my family and the one true love of my life. I smile as I realize that there is a bond that not even death can break…a bond that lasts beyond a lifetime. Love.


End file.
